In May, I decided to trim my hair shorter than usual and went REALLY short ... sort of an accident around the ears that had to be blended out. The day after cutting it drastically short and feeling very self conscious, I was pumping gas when a woman yelled over "I love your short hair!" "Thank you for that; it's a bit shorter than I anticipated." "Yes, that can happen," she quipped. When I repeated the compliment to a friend on Zoom she chuckled and asked "was she a lesbian?"
I was somewhat speechless, but responded to the situation from the factual observation that "I don't know but she was with a man." Weeks later, that question/reaction and my lack of ability to respond has come to mind again and again. Even (or especially) when this comes from someone we know loves us ... how do we respond to something that feels like a slap, not only to us personally, but for others who are being labeled or grouped based upon a superficial "fashion/expression" choice?
Knowing this person, she clearly understands I am not this body, nor my hair style. Perhaps this is multidimensional bias or program we are here to forestall??? Awareness = The Power of Choice = The Power to Change❣️ I'm sure she'd also tell you that she doesn't think my hair reflects my sexuality, my gender, whether I'm a good or a bad person, etc. I posted my short hair as my profile picture on FB and had many, many positive comments.
To push this hair affair further ... I've had more than one friend/client tell me their husband "wouldn't let them" cut their hair. Perhaps my husband is secure with himself and with us, but I'm left feeling LUCKY (and that feels ucky), that at least 80 hairstyles into our relationship, his love for me and my sexual appeal to him is not dependent upon a particular style, color, or length of my hair. Everyone should have that freedom; and if you don't, maybe that is at the root of your judgment of others.
I am the first to admit that I didn't always see my biases and had NO CLUE that my judgment of others was telling me about mySELF for many years. So, REGARDLESS OF YOUR GENDER and SEXUALITY, I urge you to explore and confront your attitudes about hair, lack of it, dependence upon it, the role or energy we expend in taking care of it, who can wear what, etc. What is the judgment-mirror telling you today? I am looking at how I judge others by their outer appearance and self-correcting my biases through gentle observation, focus, conscious change.
The bottom line is that these types of judgments are STEREOTYPES and do not serve Our Highest Good!
Looking Deeply and More Closely at Stereotypes
The mind can be like an evil librarian ~ searching resources to quickly apply labels which categorize, document, and classify that thing being observed. Perhaps such a mental space is the birthplace of STEREOTYPES; labels and classifications may be okay for books, but not for human BEings. They HURT❣️
Were STEREOTYPES created and perpetuated because they quiet the mind? See the inverse relationship between STEREOTYPES and CURIOSITY; we lose or abandon our curiosity when we select a STEREOTYPE.
We think we know what we're looking at. We've labeled it. We don't need to "worry about that" anymore. Well, you can look at and observe it without worrying about. Really stop and observe some of the millions of things your mind has already labeled in day-to-day, right in the space you're sitting in at this moment. Look at it as if you've labeled nothing. Wow! What you see and what shows up ... 🤓
Watch yourself. We have all learned to STEREOTYPE; but this type of CLASSIFICATION SYSTEM was created / is running unconsciously in a system/energy that will always separate us, rather than bring us to common ground.
Once you see the colors and shapes and textures you missed, your mind will likely find stereotypes archaic, rude, not of Love. Be curious, tell the mind "thanks for your hard work, but we're going to hang loose". ✌️ This is being PRESENT and so much a gift to live as an observer and participant in all that is going on around, in and through us!
CatDog. Artist Peter Hannan puts the labeling challenge front and center ... haha. Watched a couple episodes to see where CatDog was at; and true to what we're trying to change, CatDog fights himself/herself/themselves. That typically turns out badly.
Labels created in low vibrational stereo separate us and bring pain because we are connected. Love, laughter, compassion connect us in ways that just feel so much better for the soul xo
art: CatDog by Peter Hannan
Kristi Borst, PhD
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©2023KristiBorst, all rights reserved. No claim is made for CatDog, created and owned by Peter Hannan as noted above.