Healing Resonance
Healing Resonance
llc

with kristi borst

... release that which no longer serves you!

Kristi's Blog

Much of what seems so real in this physical dimension is not the entire Truth of who we are and/or what we can do. Over the last decade, I have allowed myself to both explore and expand beyond the physical, mental and emotional boundaries I thought were rigidly in place in this "reality". What I found was an aspect of Self that I had forgotten was there. I offer these wonderings and wanderings as an invitation to see beyond "what meets the eye", MRI and "why can't I?" in your life!

Read, ponder, explore the depths of yourself. Although our eyes focus outward, we are primarily here to see and change ourselves. If the words assist, there is a link for gratitude giving. If you want to go deeper in your healing and release more quickly, let's work together. These writings are not short ... but the world is full of insightful one-liners which haven't managed to fully communicate to and shift heart and soul. I remain ever hopeful ... Much love, Kristi

PS Additional articles published on third party sites, are indexed here. Please consider a like/follow of HealingResonancellc on FB or Instagram to be sprinkled with Love and Light.

Tuesday, September 22, 2020

7 Tips for Building a Strong Marriage

7 tips for building a strong marriage, kristi borst phd, author and husband at grand canyon

While it’s an accomplishment to achieve a long marriage, there are more measures of success than years alone. My husband, Joe, and I have been married for 40 years, 39 of those years blissfully. Statistics show that many marriages end in the early years, and we most certainly could have been among those as I nearly self-sabotaged this relationship in our fifth year of marriage (more on that later).

Perhaps you’ve heard that 50% of all marriages end in divorce? This statistic was true in 1980 (the year we married) but, since that time, the divorce rate has been on the decline. You’ll find many updated statistics online (interestingly they are largely served up by divorce attorneys). Philip N. Cohen, a sociologist at the University of Maryland College Park, notes that from 2008 to 2018 divorce rates among women fell by 18%. (1)

Our focus and obsession with divorce can ultimately be a large part of the problem. It was for me. I carried the trauma of my parents’ messy divorce and turmoil into my new marriage. If I knew then what I know now as an emotional healer and spiritual counselor, our wedding day and first few years of marriage would have been vastly different.

Self-sabotage, lack of self-awareness, and miscommunication may be the biggest contributors to failed marriages. Fortunately, once we see behaviors that are taking us where we don’t want to go, we suddenly see choices. Awareness = The Power of Choice = The Power to Change!

Here Are 7 Tips for Building A Strong Marriage to Get the Conversation GOING ..

1. Don’t Let Fear of Divorce be Your Focus

Many couples who come to me are fumbling in the space of self-sabotage I knew so well. Each selected the other as their “one,” and yet one or both are too afraid of being dumped to really commit to the relationship. That lack of commitment (expressed through lack of intimacy, vulnerability, confidence, trust, etc.) erodes their connection and undermines the marriage. Your fears take you away from what you want.

2. Co-Create a Fluid Partnership

Part of intimacy and building a strong bond as a couple is sharing what is in your heart, your desires, your fears, your dreams. Realizing we come from a culture that separates acceptable emotion by gender, help each other grow past the lower emotions (competition, anger, jealousy, etc.). Release as many gender-role expectations as you are able. Invite softness into your marriage. Make your relationship a safe place, and guard each other’s heart as if it was sacred. An added bonus is that emotional intimacy and that feeling of safety and trust can build and help sustain physical intimacy.

3. Throw Away the Score Card

When you exchanged vows, you became more than a couple. You became a team. It’s now all for ONE (the team) and ONE for all (both of you). There are no MVP awards. Do things for the other because you know it will make their life easier, make them happy, help them out, do it for love. Actions that jeopardize your health, financial security, fidelity, etc. are never justified by your partner’s “bad behavior” (e.g., He spent $300, so I’m going to spend $400). One-upmanship sabotages the relationship twice as quickly. Same is true with mistakes. Give your partner room to mess up and do-overs. You will find what you look for; so look for what you want, not what you don’t want.

4. See the Relationship with Long-Term Vision

Focus on the success; think about how your actions and behaviors are affecting the “future you” (as a couple). How will increasing your debt or sharing something private with a friend play out? Will your behaviors and choices take you closer to your shared dream or further away? A future-focus gives us the vision to “pick our battles.” This is YOUR partnership. If something’s not a big deal, why make one?

5. Watch Yourself, Question YOUR Motives

Focus on changing yourself and your reactions rather than the other person. What’s going on inside? Are you insecure? Feeling unlovable? Worried financially? Discuss how you’re feeling apart from a specific incident that may have triggered you. Your level of upset may be tied to a trauma from another time or place, yet it greatly affects your partner. When one is feeling vulnerable or needy, that’s something you should be able to express to the other rather than slipping into battle over something that’s not at the heart of the matter.

6. Tend to Your Partner’s Wounds As They Tend To Yours

Advocate for and support one another, especially in those wounded places, rather than poking each other there. Review each of the prior suggestions, and then react with love, within yourself and toward your partner. Communicate. Reach out for support if you cannot find the root of your wound or need help communicating your vulnerabilities to one another. I offer one-to-one sessions to anchor you and couples’ sessions that help bridge gaps.

7. Grow and Evolve Through Life Together

Life’s a dance; we shouldn’t expect to stay in the same place or always have the same interests. Yet, it’s important in a marriage to remember one another as we grow. Sometimes BOTH partners have to stretch beyond their comfort zones to stay connected, seeking equilibrium within the relationship to meet the other in the middle. Communication and commitment are the notes that harmonize this dance.

I entered our marriage, not unlike many other people, damaged from childhood trauma that had crushed belief in myself and a happily-ever-after. I craved security, love, commitment, and yet pushed those things away. I was unconsciously self-sabotaging my (and his) happiness. I am so grateful for Joe’s commitment, support, patience, and compassion.

We celebrated our 10th Anniversary by renewing our vows. I pledged my love, believing in and accepting his vows and his love more completely into my being. Here we stand, 30 years later. I cannot imagine life without him! We’ve shared adventures and the joy of just being together. We’ve created dreams-come-true, particularly our daughters, now our two dearest friends!

Nurturing a long-term, loving marriage makes life’s highs more delicious and its lows more bearable. A foundation cast in love is rock-solid. Knowing the other is always willing to reach back to lift you higher and vice versa repairs any cracks along the way!

Here for you,
Kristi

 

(1)“The Coming Divorce Decline” by Philip N. Cohen on familyinequality.wordpress.com

Friday, May 8, 2020

Chaos Creates Expansion and Room for Reorganization and Balance


crystal grid, seemingly in disarray
There is expansion, symmetry, balance, love, light even amid what some might call "chaos" or "a crisis". There is no need to "rush in to fix things"! Our first reaction will likely not come from a place of love; we may respond with fear and finger pointing.

But we are each/all co-creating what we see, what we experience, what we feel! We cannot change that creation until we see all of its sides in 3D. We have to understand that what benefits only a few, likely hurts many. If, individually, we want a world that is better for us, we have to create a world that is better for all.

Love thy neighbor as you love thyself because when we hurt another, we ultimately hurt ourselves, We may not see that in this moment, but it will follow us through all time/space ... in Time all Truths will be Known.

Yes, things that have been hidden from view (and/or that we have consciously and unconsciously avoided seeing) are coming to our attention. We must look, not with scorn or finger-pointing, but with compassion for ourselves and "the other". We cannot fear or hate the darkness because seeing the darkness actually allows for amplification of the Light.

Nothing is ever absolute, even though our minds want to label things/people good/bad, right/wrong, etc.

As a young artist I was taught we cannot add a highlight to a painting without some surrounding darkness. That brilliant light just doesn't show up without our awareness of the darkness!

We cannot uplift/heal what we avoid, blame on others, cannot or do not see. We can amplify the light as we face the darkness with love and compassion. Seeing it is part of our evolution toward balance, love, light for all. This is an abundant world, and there is more than enough for everyone! "In God We Trust" was added to our money as a reminder of what is sacred!

Have faith, anchor yourself in love and compassion, and when you get off course, just bring the compass back to center. Be the love and compassion you want to see, first within your own sphere. Suddenly, you get to live amid love and compassion.

Let your light shine forth out into the world, owning your darkness. Avoiding it or hating it just creates more darkness. Flood it with light, love, forgiveness, peace. This is especially true when you see it in others because you'll likely see it in them before you see it in yourSELF.

All is Well and happening for The Highest Good, which always includes each of us individually. 💗 Awareness = The Power of Choice = The Power to Change!

I love you, Kristi

Thursday, March 26, 2020

GO! Fly Free! Life IS Going According To Plan ...

Imagine one thing ... just one moment you've felt REJECTION or LOSS ~ Open your seeing of that moment as your life path's auto correct, meant not to root you, but to shift you ... GO! Fly free! Love, Kristi
There are many times in our lives when situations seem to change beyond our control or even beyond our worst imagining. We may experience this as (1) the loss of a friend, family member, lover, (2) being passed over for a promotion, living arrangement, deeper relationship, (3) having a physical accident and injury, or (4) getting very ill mentally or physically.

Human nature and prevailing Western culture whines "why did this happened TO ME?" Yet our expanded awareness shows us that "this may actually be happening FOR ME!" How can loss and rejection of those we love, jobs that support us, living arrangements that seem to be working be happening FOR YOU, you may ask?

Perhaps rather than being comfortable and safe, or perhaps because of that, these placid life circumstances may not actually be serving your strengths, your higher quest for soul growth, your ability to touch others' lives, your evolution toward unconditional love!

Monday, March 16, 2020

Life Evolving Beyond Fear ~ Return to Center

I am offering 1/2 hr phone sessions for Emotional Calming/Light/Love                            207-216-0473

"Life Evolving Beyond Fear" ©2020 KristiBorst.com
"Life Evolving Beyond Fear" illustrates our forward-upward
movement, in unity. Rather than being consumed by fear,
we are being offered choices and the power to BE
light, love, trust, compassion, hope
in spite of and above fear!
Hello friends,

I sat down to create an image on 3/10 and "Life Evolving Beyond Fear" emerged. Use it to help identify and release fear and obsolete programming as we ascend toward a new, more global, and empowered consciousness. Other tools and suggestions follow.
As the snake sheds its skin, we can shed what is holding us back
from embodying love, light, compassion, hope, faith, trust!
It is prudent to follow safe hygiene guidelines, but it's best to do so without fear. Fear is an anti-building block within own auto-immune systems, within our relationships and within our world! Rather than lament cancellation of plans, events, even work, take this time for self-reflection, healing, and evolution beyond fear.
Reflect on where you are/have been living, emotionally and vibrationally.

Sunday, February 9, 2020

Life's Transitions, Empowering YOU!

Back of man's head with many thoughts swirling "When your expecations keep pecking at your happiness, come back to present. Then, redirect your vantage point from your head to your heart.
Often inner strife is due to reality being far removed from what we wanted to happen or thought would happen ... the friendship you thought would be everlasting, a league of friends you vibe with, the optimal job of your dreams, a living arrangement that seemed like "the perfect fit". Why do we experience endings?

If you're like me, when you have a "good thing" you want it to last. This may rarely happen in the "real world". These transitions make sense when we understand that we EACH are on a journey of growth and expansion. Our evolution may be incompatible with our quest for stability and/or longevity of engagement with a person, place or situation.

We may see transitions as a dead end, when they are actually a type of soul-growth escalator!

Our expectations may be the only thing preventing our seeing potential. Rather than feeling forlorn when a transition arrives, try to move more quickly toward an eager anticipation that more and better are coming!

In any friendship (job, living arrangement), how you show up, your commitment, and your communication are key. But the other person (employer, landlord, lover) and their own vision, comfort, soul journey, expectations are also critical. Their side of the relationship/situation is not in your control, never was, never will be.

Moreover, their actions in ending WHAT IS may be part of a soul-growth journey your Higher Self set up! There are merely actors in your story ..

Things do not happen TO you; they are happening FOR you!

Self-blame and finger-pointing does nothing more than make you more miserable. Take a nice deep breath. Feel the air expand your chest. Imagine your nose is on your chest and breathe for a couple of minutes with your awareness, there in your heart space. Peace is always just a breath away ... not in your head, but in your heart!

Transitions may be fluid for some peeps. Yet, for those who have grown up feeling they're not enough, experiencing abandonment by one or both parents, only receiving love and acknowledgement on a conditional basis, etc., these "break up" events can feel devastating.

Know that you are loved beyond this space and time! You may be shifting timelines to embody a greater version of yourSelf. With trust and an openness to what comes next, we can make room for anticipation, even gratitude!

When we look, in retrospect, on major life events, relationship/job/home transitions, particularly those that were not expected, we can often see how they moved us forward to a stronger version of ourSelves. Yet, some people get stuck in the transition because of deep inner wounds ...

Find your joy in this moment