Until we have peace, we will have pain. Consider any time you have lashed out at someone, or they have been mean to you. Pain was the likely catalyst, pain pushed outward (albeit unconsciously). That pain was given to another (hot potato!), and on and on! It's the opposite of "paying it forward" within our families, our companies, our communities, our world.
I'm a contributing author in UNMUTED VOICES, a collaborative book, published by Envision Greatness Publishing. This book is more about our triumphs that our struggles though! It's about sharing our perspectives and breakthroughs in finding our own ways to express who we are in the world! My chapter of re-awakening to a truer version of mySELF is called "The Vibe to Thrive".
Yet, power is not the goal nor answer. I would suggest balance is! Those historically given the power (MEN) have been muted as well, in a different yet also dysfunction way. Men are taught to conquer, compete, be strong, and provide. They've historically been "allowed" a very narrow range of emotions ... even more painful from my perspective, those emotions are the heavier, toxic ones (possessiveness, jealousy, domination, anger, pride, valor, toughness). This also is not healthy.
When I had my own children, I observed that when they were really misbehaving and "acting out" I would later realize (perhaps the next morning) that they were sick, or feeling badly, and didn't know how to tell me that.
EUREKA ... when people are acting the LEAST LOVABLE they are most in need of our unCONDITIONal love. [That is: LOVE without the CONDITION that you behave, or do this, or don't do that, or do it MY way or are perfect!] This is not a "get out of jail FREE" card nor a permission to abuse others, it's a way for us to understand and heal ourselves and one another.
During my writing process for UNMUTED VOICES, I revisited many long-forgotten memories of grade school. I've encountered more than one bully in my day. I remembered an incident from one of my high school reunions. A classmate approached me as if I were her long-lost friend. From my perspective, this was far from true! We hadn't been friendly since elementary school; seemingly overnight she became a bully in junior high.
Standing face-to-face as adults, she showered me with compliments, sharing how much she always liked me, how kind I was, etc. I felt flabbergasted! The words sprung from me without even a thought, perhaps from the younger self whose friend had turned on her ... "Thank you, but you were very mean to me in junior high school," I said peacefully. She paused for a moment, perhaps retracing her experiences.
"Yes, I can see that! I probably was mean, and I'm sorry. My dad was doing things to my sisters and to me and it was pretty bad ..." I don't remember the rest of the conversation, but I totally remember that soft moment of understanding and forgiving her stance of rage! My younger self's blurt-out was a gateway to healing for both of us.
People who hurt others are typically in pain themselves. Many are not TRYING to be mean or even understanding that there is a choice to behave otherwise. They do not have the tools, freedom, maturity, or perhaps the skills to even process, let alone heal their internal pain. They have no idea where their anger, depression, anxiety is rooted. It just IS.
Most swallow it, others immediately push it forward (hot potato), and others still hold it until they can no longer contain it ... then they explode. We are getting to a STRONGER more balanced place in which women can speak and men can be soft. BRAVO! How do we heal the pain that's been created along the way?
Have compassion for others. Forgive them as you forgive yourself, for we have all walked in these shoes! This is not about muting our pain, it's about releasing it to find the "peace that passes understanding" beneath, beyond, through, in spite of the pain! "In TIME, all Truths will be known!" [Dear Eternal Spirit ... when you leave THIS BODY you will understand the why's ... you have TIME. Join me in the peace of PATIENCE.]
The more we can choose to respond from love, the more love we get to experience. In many cases, we can heal the pain easily once we see the beLIEf in unworthiness, separation, or fear that hides behind it. If you have pain that you don't know how to resolve or even identify it, please reach out for one-to-one work with me. I will help you release what no longer serves you and our highest good!
We change the world as and through ourselves. On first glance, this can seem like a heavy task; yet the load is light. We need only change the one we are here to BE. We need only show up as love, and love is at our center; it is our Source. When we believe in lack, we create lack. When we heal one, we heal the whole. Compassion, forgiveness, generosity, stewardship, LOVE!
We don't know what we don't know until we know we don't know it! Now we do ... Pay it forward today! I would love to know if and how this has touched your soul xo
Kristi Borst, PhD
release that which no longer serves you ...
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