Generations, cultures, peoples who deny their children's needs do not create stronger adults.
This is not at all about blame. "Parenthood doesn't come with a manual" and some of those parenting guides of the 20th Century and before were not heart-based. I remember repeatedly hearing "spare the rod, spoil the child." Other "experts" told new parents to let the baby cry itself to sleep.
As adults, we either continue what we have learned, or we see what didn't work for us and we change! I am grateful that some of us have said, "that's not how I choose to parent. I'm going to respond to my baby when she cries and when she's hungry. I'm going to be a loving, supportive part of my child's life. My child's childhood is going to be a treasured time of innocence."
I grew up without a voice and without choices. When my husband would take me on dates, early in our relationship (I was 18), I would feel so conflicted over my food choice(s). If I selected the shrimp entrée would it taste $2 better than a similar offering with chicken? A decade and a half later, we parented with a goal that our children knew how to assess their choices and even suggest alternatives. E.g., "You cannot go to school in your flip flops because they don't protect your feet; but you can wear your sneakers, rain boots, dress shoes, etc. Seeing choices empowers change, growth, freedom!
I believe that we change the world through the only one we have control to change ... ourSELVES. Each one! We do not rise above our pasts when we repeat the obsolete programs and energies of dysfunction as parents of our own children.
Yet, we can bring harmony, backward and forward, when we provide a loving home for not only our children, but firstly ourSELVES. We heal through love, but we can actually go a bit overboard when we aren't watching our energy. It's not too late; for many of us, this is a new thing. It's a GOOD THING to gain awareness of!We cannot love our children too much; but we can "protect them" to a detriment and/or foster a co-dependent relationship within an energy of NEEDINESS. Approaching our children fearfully (even if intending to "save them them" from pain, disappointment, or any other negative emotion) seems to, instead, erode their self confidence.
Watch for that sub-program/energy of "protecting them" or "wanting to help (be needed)", which is not about your child at all. Look at how you're "protecting yourself" too! Fears are likely self sabotaging who YOU ARE. Empower your child; empower yourself!
The Solar Plexus (stomach area) is where we grow our self confidence. From this perspective, makes sense that self-esteem issues are expressed through eating disorders and myriad addictions. When we are conscious of keeping love strong (heart chakra, third eye, crown), we empower them to build their energy in their own vessel.
Conversely, many people I see in my Healing Resonance llc Perspective Reboot® sessions were not treasured as children. They did not feel safe, loved, enough, seen, heard, etc. Many were led to beLIEve they are not enough, too much, flawed deeply. We each have our wounds, but seeing choices is a HUGE STEP.
Awareness = The Power of Choice = The Power to Change
Even if we're talking about minutes ago before you started reading this ... that was THEN. In THIS NOW, you have a choice. You just have to press "pause", look at what you've been choosing. "Pause" and see the myriad other decisions that will heal not only you, but also your bloodline ... forward and backward! Write down what you see. Observe it with love and compassion, for this is how you will find your Divinity.
It's time to release what no longer serves ourSELVES and our Highest GOOD! As adults we can make our own choices; we can heal; we can learn new ways to BE, aiming evermore toward the freedom and love we craved in our individual "THEN". We can root out (like the truffle-lovin' pig) and re-verse these seeded patterns of dysfunction, imbalance, separation, and lack of trust.
In fact, I believe this is part of our mission within our family lineage of dysfuction. Quite simply, with loving attention, we heal our ancestors as and through ourselves! Sleuthing these exit routes, in messages of love is an aspect of how I AM called to service for LOVE.
Awareness, communication, connection, compassion, forgiveness, LOVE heals our relationship with ourSELVES and others ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤍❣️💞💕 Sometimes the best way to heal a relationship is to end it and move forward! As we close one door (especially a door to heart ache), other more supportive doors, windows, freeways open to us!
RealEYES that the more you focus on and cling to what didn't work in the past, the more you are vibing that energy within your body. That is just not healthy. You are here for a reason ... and that reason is as brilliant and yet simple as "Only YOU can vibe the light and love that ONLY YOU can share into our collective and ground into our Earth." This is how we co-create and change our world.
Step into your power and it will enhance your relationships. Communicate. Ask for what you need and want, rather than expecting the other person to "read your mind", "know you", etc. Drop the expectation and open yourself to be vulnerable.
Perhaps, like me, you will feel stymied with decisions as choices present to you. Ultimately, I learned that for me, the shrimp was ALWAYS worth the extra money; and seeing my joy in my dinner selection brought joy to my partner!
Even "baby steps" carry us forward! If your baby cries were left unanswered, you may have learned that asking for what you want or need is fruitless. That was THEN. Assess what new choices will move you toward what it is you DO want. Keep sight of your target, watching for patterns and decisions that habitually circumvent or sabotage your progress. I am here for your if you'd like support until you get your footing xo
Kristi Borst, PhD
release that which no longer serves you ...
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